Re-Evaluation of My Goals

When I initially decided to become healthier back in November I had a few goals in mind; eat better, beat my sugar addiction, feel better, put an end to my achy legs and of course lose weight with a set weight in mind.

I had no idea that my focus would change as much as it has. It has been almost a year and over that time I didn’t just make nutritional changes I made changes to every aspect of my life; like how I react to certain situations and what I let affect me and how I let it affect me, walking away from certain situations instead of reacting unless I have to, how I communicate with others and my social life and social circle; but all of that is a completely different discussion for a later post.

So back to the subject at hand; I’ve become more interested in building muscle, because I was never that into working out, building muscle was never a concern of mines. If you follow my blog you know that I had to find something that interested me in order to work out and that was boxing and kickboxing. The problem was I didn’t feel as though I had enough stamina. The workout made me tired and I wasn't getting in enough cardio so I decided to join the gym in addition to boxing and kickboxing.

Now I look in the mirror and I see myself becoming more toned and defined, during class when I am doing my flies I find myself smiling at the way my arms look, through the pain of my reps I smile because I love it, I love how it feels and how it looks and I push forward for that reason.

When I started working out I would stop as soon as I became tired or I felt an inkling of pain then I picked back up after a quick breather; that was my way of not giving up. Even though I would take a quick break I would keep going. This worked for me, knowing I had the option of going as far as I thought I could then resting a bit before picking it back up instead of trying to be like the people who had been doing the same exercise for a lot longer than me, in my mind I knew that eventually that would be me; I wasn’t trying to compete, I was trying to make it through.

Now I can work through most of the pain and keep going further without taking a break. I can push myself beyond my mental limitations. Even though I am still a serious “work in progress” I have come a very long way from that woman who walked into an MMA gym with no previous enthusiasm to work out and no previous desire to be fit, I just never wanted to be fat so I always did the minimum to keep me from becoming a “big girl” so all of my attempts focused only on food and not exercise, at least nothing beyond walking for miles and miles. So when they had me doing all of these cardio exercises I would be exhausted. Now I hate if I have to miss a workout and I feel bad like I’m letting myself down; no matter what I did the night before or how tired I am I still drag myself out of bed and/or get my butt to that gym. That is a feeling I never want to lose, I want to see my body take on a form it has never had. Even when I was a stick figure I never owned a muscular frame.

This isn’t about what is appealing to others this is about what is appealing to me and how I feel about myself. I keep hearing “don’t lose that booty” but what a lot of people do not know is I don’t want a huge butt, I never have. Now don’t get me confused…in no way on this earth have I ever wanted to have a flat ass. I find that so unattractive, I look at flat booties and cringe. The booty should look like perfection to your frame and in your clothes. I just don’t want a huge couch following behind me, in my eyes curves are what make a woman beautiful, it’s what makes ME beautiful. So even though I will lose a little more booty I will be damned if I lose it all…lol. I’ve also noticed my chest has gotten smaller and I’m actually ok with that as well, I’ve never wanted “jugs” just a couple of coconuts…lol.

For the record I do not want to have a body builder’s frame, that isn’t sexy on a woman to me either. I still want to look and feel like a woman, I just want to look and feel like a fit woman. As I get closer my goals I realize that my goals keep changing and it makes me smile because at the end of the day it’s all about creating a lifestyle and not settling. There is no plan to get to a certain point then quit, the plan is to keep moving forward until I can’t go any further.

And…It Is What It Is!