The Engagement: So Much Emotion

The Engagement Series is a series of blog posts written before I got married in a very private ceremony on December 13th. They are released daily until they are complete, I hope you enjoy.

December 4, 2012

One month and one day from today I will be a wife; this feeling is so crazy right now. I’m trying to maintain my sanity because my mind has been all over the place. You guys have no idea, how I feel right now.

Keeping such a huge secret from the people I care about, more specifically my mom, has been weighing heavily on me. I’ve thought about this time after time and it’s gone through my mind over and over again. What would be the perfect time to tell my mom about me getting married? My fiancé and I talked about it and it has been decided that I will tell her the day before the wedding, I want for her to be there. Even though I am not looking forward to hearing her mouth, I would hate for her to be hurt by me not allowing her to be there. Furthermore with all we’ve been through I don’t know how I’d feel if she wasn’t by my side. I just hope she can be supportive of my decision so that it doesn’t cause a riff in our relationship and ruin my special day.

My children already know and they are excited about what’s to come. My son is the most excited, he has actually already slipped up and told some of the younger family members on Thanksgiving and told them my fiancé was going to be his stepdad but none of the adults heard him so we dodged a bullet…lol. My daughter is more excited about the vow renewal ceremony since that is when she will be able to get all dolled up, by the time we have the ceremony she will be almost 18 years old.

It’s crazy I have waited so long to get married, what’s even crazier, is this isn’t my first time being engaged, it’s my fourth. I think I will finally take those rings and have them made into one beautiful ring or other piece of jewelry, who knows.

I’ve already created a wedding site on Wedding Wire for our vowel renewal ceremony, I’ve made it unsearchable and password protected. I will remove the search block once we send out our invites but keep the password on it. Even though we will be letting our secret out the wedding information will still be private and for our family and close friends.

Josh and I spent some time this weekend adding “our stories” to the site so far he has been great with adding input where he sees fit but for the most part he has left the planning up to me but he has made it a point to have a huge say in the music selection. I’ve been trying not to focus too much on the wedding until after we are married but it’s hard not to think about different ideas.

We’ve already chosen our initial wedding rings that we will wear for the first year and a half; since I prefer a wider single ring over a set I will not be wearing a ring until we say “I do”.

I’m trying not to say too much but I’ve been holding this in for two weeks so I have sooo much to say. Josh and I have decided not to live together until we are married, it makes it easier to adjust to everything and prepare for what’s to come as well as giving him time to find a job closer to here.

Well, that’s all for now folks, yes I could go on and on but I will save that for another post.

And…It Is What It Is!