Friday, February 13, 2015

Stay Within Your Dating Lane - Date Who You Can Deal With

The video below pretty much speaks for itself; but I have decided to write this blog about the topic at hand.

Too often we find ourselves in relationships that just are not quite what we had in mind. Men look at a woman that has it all together and say to themselves “damn, I need a woman like her in my life” not realizing what it takes to be where she is and maintain that. Some women actually slow down after meeting this man because he is either complaining about needing her to be there more or she just chooses to be there more. I know you have seen that woman that seemed to have it all, looks good, and is all about her business; then all of a sudden after she gets with a certain guy she kind of goes downhill? Or you may have heard someone say “ever since she got with so and so she don’t look the same” or “so and so brought her down.” Well, this is not about her; I say her, because it is usually the woman who sacrifices herself more often than the man, but men do it as well. But this focuses more on the person who keeps striving, who stays busy and the person who is dating them.

This is more of a message pertaining to staying within your zone, dating on your level, etc. I have always promoted the saying “surround yourself with people doing better than you”. Sounds good, right? Well, that only pertains to people who are actively trying to elevate themselves; otherwise you are doing more damage than good and if you are the one who is doing good and dating someone who is not, you may find that they will bring, or attempt to, bring you down if their goals do not match your own.

If you want someone who will have a lot of time for you and you have a lot of time for them, then good. But if you want someone who is successful or is working towards being successful, you have to realize that this person will be busy and may not have the amount of time you are wanting. If you are dating someone who decides they want to go back to school and better their life, especially if you have children together, you need to respect their school schedule and study time so that they can obtain a degree to provide a better life for your children. You have to realize that school takes a lot of time, if that person is going to be successful. Stressing them about not having time for you and being available when you want them to be is only going to derail them from their success. 

Having that ideal person sounds like a wonderful life, but keep in mind the sacrifice it takes for things to be ideal. If you know you are a busy person and you choose to date someone with a lot of time on their hands, do not assume that they are going to understand just because you told them that you are a busy person. Eventually, they forget those words and begin to demand more time from you. You are better off dating someone who understands your busy schedule, your hustle, your drive; if not, prepare yourself for possible headaches in the future. 

If you see a single parent and they seem to have it all together, they are financially stable, they are in school, they own a business, they have a good job, and they are a great parent, remember, all of that takes time; meaning, in order for them to do all of that they don’t have a lot of time available. You must find a way to fit into their schedule. Even if that means doing stuff with the kids, coming to games they may coach or their kid’s game, helping them study for a test, whatever it takes to build that bond.

Honestly, I could talk about this topic all day but I am going to let you watch to the video.

And...It Is What It Is!

Friday, January 30, 2015

A Personal Story

I had to write a personal story about a life experience for my English class. Now that I've gotten it back and it has been graded I figured I'd share it with you all.
                The night before seemed like a bad dream; I felt like today was a new day and my prayers would be answered. I grabbed my growing belly, the life inside was my son. I knew I had to make a phone call, so I reached for my phone, only to see I had missed a few calls and there was a voicemail. I braced myself with hope, hoping my prayers, my baby, would be enough for a miracle. I listened, my heart dropped along with the phone, as my body collapsed back on the bed and a scream exited my mouth, then another, and another. Tears streamed down my face, soaking my pillow. As my body began to tire, my screams turned into whimpers, as the tears continued to flow. I had lost my second mother, my grandma was gone and I felt empty inside.

                I said to myself, “Pull yourself together you have business to handle.”

I lifted myself up and waddled to my daughter’s room, she was still sleeping. There was so much I needed to do; call my doctor’s office for flight clearance, since I was eight months pregnant, change my daughter’s existing flight to Florida to leave a week earlier, and lastly, book my own flight to Seattle.

Sweat suit on, flip flops on, bag in hand.

Security, “Ma’am, you have been selected for a “random” security search; please step over here.” “Okay, she’s good, but her flight is boarding, call them to hold the plane.” “Ma’am, I will walk you to your flight, you won’t miss it.” “Hold the door, you have one more, we had her held up at security!”

As I waddled my way to me seat, all eyes were on me.

Flight attendant, “Good evening and welcome to JetBlue Airlines, flight to Seattle.”

And so, it had begun my journey to bury a piece of my heart six feet below, forever.

Returning home to bury my grandmother, felt surreal; I felt numb, it was almost like my mind was in another place. I existed only as a shell of myself, going through the motions as those around me made funeral arraignments.

At the funeral, I was just there, frozen. I did not cry; I did not speak; I just existed. As they lowered my grandmother into the hollow ground a piece of my heart left with her and now I finally had an answer to my question, “How would I feel if I ever lost her?” The answer was alone.

One week later, I returned back to my home in New Jersey. Just six days after returning home from burying my grandmother, my son was born. The night before she died, I pleaded through the phone for my grandmother to live, so she could meet her first great grandson. As I looked down at my beautiful baby boy, I thought about how my grandmother never got to meet him, even though this saddened me, I felt as though I had been given a second heartbeat to help make up for the piece I lost, when my grandmother died.

“The rose sheds it petals as it begins to die; as they fall to the earth, they become one. Soon a new rose blooms again, it has been reborn.” 


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Shani's Turkey/Chicken Muffins

1lb of Ground Turkey/Chicken Meat
2 Eggs
2 slices of Whole Wheat Bread
½ whole Tomato
¼ whole Onion
½ whole Bell Pepper
¼ cup of sliced Mushrooms
¼ cup of cubed Butternut Squash
1/8 cup of Ketchup or Barbeque sauce
1 tablespoon of Sea Salt
1 tablespoon of Italian Seasoning
1 tablespoon of Pepper
*Season with Shani's Poultry Seasoning for great flavor!

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
In a large bowl add ground meat and eggs
Add bread slices to a food processor and process until they have turned into crumbs, add to bowl.
Add all veggies to a food processor and process until they are chopped fine.
Add ketchup/bbq sauce, salt, Italian seasoning, pepper and any other seasonings.
Using your hands or spatula, Mix all ingredients until mixed thoroughly.
Spray or lightly oil a muffin pan (1 dozen or 2 six)
Grab mix and form into 12 balls and place into the muffin pan(s)
Bake for 25-30 minutes

Makes 1 dozen

And...It Is What It Is!

Reorganize, Reorganize, Reorganize Until You Get it Right

Sometimes, I go through a change crisis; I feel like I need to re-organize my life. When it comes to work I can handle change without an issue, but when it comes to my life the change is a little harder when I am working with a tight timeline. Making sure I utilize every moment and get everything done that I need to can be difficult.

When I started back to school I thought I had everything planned out; I was so very very wrong. I have had the most difficult time getting it together with my normal routine. I thought I could make just a few minor adjustments and everything would be okay.

Most people do not have to worry about as much as I do; their lives are simpler than mines. On the other hand, you have people that have even more on their plate; those are the people I look at and admire; those are the people that keep me saying, “I can do this, let me figure out how.”

Every time I need to reorganize my life, I approach it the same way I would a client’s marketing plan. I have this process of creating a timeline; then I break down each component of the timeline for better understanding and preparation.

Example: Sunday – Prepare meals for the week
Breakfast – Egg Muffins (10)
Snack – Turkey Muffin (10)
Lunch – Grilled Chicken and Broccoli (5)
Snack – Roasted Veggies (1)
Dinner – Salmon and Spinach (5)

Breaking down my timeline helps me prepare for the items in the timeline. For instance, in the above example, I now know what my shopping list looks like; without this, my timeline and plan is useless. If I do not know what I need in order to put my plan in action, I cannot execute my plan. I hate to admit it, but this is exactly what I did not do and of course I am off track.

People around me do not understand how important it is for me to be able to do everything that is important to me. People look at my life and think I do not have room for more, but the past week, I was given an assignment to keep track of my every move in thirty minute increments for five days and I realized I have too much free time. This put so much in perspective for me.

I think this is a good project for anyone who needs to figure out what they want to do with their life and find time for more. Evaluate your life for a week; look at how much time you spend doing things like, watching TV, talking on the phone, sitting on the computer, and anything else that is not necessary. Cut back on more of this time and fill it with something constructive and productive.

And…It Is What It Is!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

On the Road to Success

“The Road to Success is Paved with Failure”

I learned years ago that while on the road to success there will be a lot of potholes, speed bumps, speed traps, detours, landslides and almost anything else possible to derail your journey. I find myself starting over or just pausing from time to time. I can touch on so much when I talk about my journey; there is my fitness journey, my journey to  reach my educational goals and my journey in business; but instead of me talking about myself and my many goals, today I want to focus on you and yours.

Whether it’s a journey of fitness or just improving your quality of life, you will encounter many loops, turns, and obstacles along the way. There will be those who will not believe in you, will not support you, and who will do everything to slow or stop you from reaching your goals. It will take everything inside of you to win. If you have set a New Year’s resolution, stick to it. Keep it to yourself if you have negative people around you. I know when we set a goal we get excited and find ourselves anxious to tell someone but sometimes sharing your goals is worse than anything. The reason for this is because when you share with certain people who do not support your goals their negativity tends to kill your own confidence and places doubt in your mind. Negativity from those around us plays a huge role on our psyche whether we know it or not.

I am a believer in throwing things into the universe. What you throw out is what you will get back. Tell yourself what you will do and what will happen, all in the positive. Stay away from phrases like “I want to”, “I hope”, I think I will”, those phrases carry doubt and uncertainty; you will confuse the universe.

Close your eyes and see yourself reaching your goals. See yourself as a healthier you, see yourself holding your degree, see yourself happy.

And…It is What It is!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

2014 - My Reflections, My Confession, My Reality

As I sit back and reflect on 2014, I think about everything that has taken place in my life and how it has changed so much. This may be one of the most real and open blog posts I’ve posted since 2010.
2014 was a year I spent really reevaluating my life and getting to know myself all over again; I spent a lot of time alone in 2014. That time allowed me to really dig deeply into myself and make a lot of necessary changes. I found myself wanting more, more out of my life, more out of love; I never shared this but 2013 was a hell of a year, I won’t go into what I went through but just know it shaped 2014 for me.

I’ve always been stuck on only showing the best side of me; the best photos, the perfect look. In 2014 I decided that I would share my workout journey even more, I would focus on encouraging others by showing them me in action, even looking a hot sweaty mess. I would let them see me on days when I didn’t want to work out and I shared my bad habits and revealed my struggle with fitness. By doing so I have encouraged hundreds of people to continue or start their own health and fitness journey.

I made a few big changes in 2014; my first big change was deciding to leave my job. It was stressing me out and I was extremely unhappy and felt like there was no future for me to grow there so I made a decision to look for a better job. I was blessed to find a job that I feel meets my financial expectations as well as allows me the opportunity to grow, not so much grow within the company but with experience. I am a lot happier and stress free.
I decided to file for divorce from my then husband. This decision came after evaluating my situation and talking to my children. My divorced finalized in June of 2014. My ex-husband and I are on good terms now and I am content with my decision; I have found the peace that I did not have in 2013. I won’t go into detail about why I made this decision after being married for such a short period of time but I can honestly say that I have no regrets about getting married and I am grateful for the experience.
I went back to school. I have been wanting to go back to school since 2011, I originally planned to go back to school in 2012 but so much took place in my life that going back wasn’t that easy; when I made the decision to leave my job I decided that I wanted a degree to accompany my experience so that no one can come along one day and say “you aren’t qualified for this job because you don’t have a degree in this field, therefore we are demoting you” which I saw happen to people at my last job. I am happy that I didn’t go back to school in 2012 because my focus has changed. My original plan was to go back to school for a B.S. in Marketing Management. I decided that since I have been in the healthcare field since 1998 that it would be in my best interest to go back to school for both a B.S. in Business Management and B.S. in Marketing Management then finish with my MBA in Healthcare Management. I feel like this will best allow me to accomplish all of my educational and career goals. I have a long road ahead of me but I am more than prepared.

A few chapters were opened while others were closed, though 2014 has come to a close I am still writing my book and 2015 will have its own story to tell. I have met a lot of people this past year and not everyone made it, but I will say this; 2015 has already shown lots of promise and I am looking forward to seeing just how much. Who knows, maybe I will have something interesting to share but regardless of whether or not you find interest in my story, I hope it leaves you inspired.

And It Is What It Is....Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

New Year, New Beginnings

As this year comes to an end and we prepare to move into the next, we must realize that some things and/or people are meant to be left in 2014 and not come with us into 2015 be prepared to leave some things and/or people behind.

And...It Is What It Is!